Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Day 3: The Road to Hana and a full day of complaining
We're in Hawaii. What could there possibly be to complain about? For my mom and grandmother...everything. Wake up and complain because the pillows are too fluffy. Go to breakfast and complain that the eggs are too runny. Get on the car and complain that its too hot and then a half hour later and complain that its too cold. Complain that there are no waterfalls because its too dry. Complain that the ham in the sandwiches you bought is too salty. Complain that you weren't paying attention at got wet on the black sand beach. Complain about the construction and the traffic. Complain because you've never gotten to go to the arboretum. Complain that we aren't going to get back in time to make it to the hospitality suite. Complain about the number of calories in the ice cream bar you just bought. Complain because my dad is driving too close to the edge of the cliff. Complain, complain, complain.

For anyone that doesn't know about the Road to Hana, its a 53 mile road full of 600 curves and 54 one lane bridges and usually takes 2 and a half to 3 hours to drive. It's full of pretty scenery and waterfalls and ends at Haleakala National Park and the Pools of Ohe'o. You get a CD that you play along the way and it tells you about things you're seeing, the history of Maui and local flora and fauna. At one point it was talking about eucalyptus and my grandmother says "oh yeah, I can smell it. Really strong...can't you smell it?" It didn't smell like eucalyptus at all. But my grandma also asked me at one point what ocean we were in. When I answered Pacific she said "It comes out this whole way?" OK, grandma, sure it smells like eucalyptus.

Also, there are normally a ton of waterfalls (most of the bridges go over them) along the way but apparently there hadn't been much rain lately. Every time we would go over a dried up or barely trickling waterfall, my mom would say "wow, look how dry it is" or "man, that's dry." Until after the 30th waterfall, I freaked out and said "OK, we get's dry. You don't need to say it after every waterfall."

A little more than halfway through the drive, we ended up at the black sand beach and had lunch at the picnic tables there. Then we walked down to the beach. My mom and grandma had there backs to the ocean and totally got their legs soaked. (is it evil that I saw it coming and didn't say anything except to turn to my dad and say "watch this"? I think it is).

At one of the bigger waterfalls there were a bunch of vendors selling stuff. My grandma bought a woven basket made out of palm leaves...just what she needed. Can't wait to see where in her house she puts that wonderful piece of artistry.

We get to the Pools of Ohe'o and the National Park and my parents decided to do the 2 mile hike up to Waimoku waterfall and the bamboo forest. I've done it before. I passed. I didn't think its that great. Though my dad loves the bamboo forest. "After the Great Wall of China, the bamboo forest is the second greatest thing I've ever seen." Honestly, that's what he said. While they were doing that, my grandma and I stayed at the Pools of Ohe'o. And even though the water was cold, I went swimming in the water underneath the waterfall along with a bunch of hippies.

Then we found out we had to drive back the way we came instead of going the whole way around the end of the we had to complain about that some more.

Monday, January 29, 2007

Day 2: The King and the Sea Turtle

I think some time I'm going to write a short story called "The King and the Sea Turtle" and its going to be about a mean king who becomes nice somehow with a sea turtle involved.

Anyway, back to the trip. When we arrived the night before, we saw down at the end of the hall a guy in a suit sitting on a chair outside the door of one of the rooms. My parents said there was a different guy there in the afternoon when they had arrived. Two people from the hotel had come to de-feather my parent's bed (my mom's allergic to feathers) and my dad asked one of them if that was a bodyguard at the end of the hall. "Yes, there's a king staying there," the guy answered. It had to be true because the lady with him gave him a dirty look like he wasn't supposed to tell us.

My dad was obsessed with the king and talked about it all day. (Example: I would ask: "Do you have any bottled water?" My dad would answer: "I'll go see if the King has any bottled water.") When we were on the beach, we saw the King out on his balcony. At least we are assuming it was the king, unless there was another man in a bathrobe in the King's room.

I woke up that morning at like 5 am and while I was bored waiting for everyone else to get up I was looking at all the hotel information and other tourist stuff while sitting out on the Lanai. They had aquacise!! So I called the fitness place to get details. 11:00 Aquacise in the Hibiscus pool and you don't have to pre-register. AWESOME!! Guess what...they never showed. I was pissed.

For breakfast, we went to the little hospitality suite for free breakfast and had really good granola with dried tropical fruit and macadamia nuts. Yummy.

We spent the day at the beach and just off the shore was a coral reef. It was by the point pictured above. My family has our own snorkel gear so it was really great for us. The only problem is that sometimes when the water was rough you felt like you were being pulled towards the jagged that's a bad thing. My mom and dad and I went out to snorkel after lunch (we had lunch at this restaurant by the pool and my mom freaked out when she saw that the hamburger and fries was $17). It was pretty good snorkeling...really calm, clear water and colorful fish. At one point, I noticed my mom was kinda flailing so I looked up to see if she was ok...she was. When I looked back down in the water there was a sea turtle right below me. It was so cool and he didn't really care that we were there and was like two feet away. If you ask my dad, he claims that he rode the turtle. We also saw a snowflake eel which basically looked like a snake and was really creepy.

That's pretty much it for day two. We went back to the hospitality suite for dinner (hors d'eouvres) and an open bar. Woohoo!! Then we walked to some shops nearby and my knee was killing me anytime I would go up or down stairs. When I rubbed it, hoping to make it feel better, some stuff was moving around in there when I I guess I'll have to get that checked out.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Vacation Day 1: Travel from Hell

I decided that I will take you day by day through my vacation. Provided I don't become to bored with it, which is a big possibility.

First of all, i need to address that I am a really bad packer. This comes from my least that's what I'm blaming it on. When I was little and we traveled, we never had the right clothing. If we packed shorts, it snowed. If we packed sweatshirts, it was a heat wave. This was back before the Internet when we had to rely on my dad's memory and he had no idea what he was talking about. Ever since then I pack for three climactic changes, and am always flirting with that 50 lb. weight limit.

So at 6am on Saturday, I packed up my heavy suitcase and drove over to Danielle's (whom you've already met) to go pick up my grandma and head to the airport.

I knew this whole day was not going to go well when we went to check in and my grandma's name of spelled wrong on her reservation (which my dad's company had made, and we didn't really look at before it came up on the check in kiosk). The airports don't really like when your reservation doesn't match your ID. So after being berated by the high and mighty airline counter guy, he finally gives my grandma a pass to get through security, but says "Whatever you do don't leave the airport in Chicago." OK, fine whatever.

We get up to the gate and our flight is delayed two hour because of snow in Chicago (thanks for telling us airline counter guy...ass). Well, that doesn't work with our 50 minute layover we have to make our connection to Hawaii. Being the savvy traveler that I am, I go to get us put on a later flight. Unfortunately, there is only one other flight that day to Maui, it's through San Francisco and it's currently full, but with all hell breaking loose currently in Chicago, some seats could open up. Either way, it's flashing through my mind that we're going to be stuck for the night somewhere and can't leave the airport because my grandma's boarding pass doesn't match her ID.

We actually take off from Harrisburg after only an hour delay...remember 50 minute layover. We get in exactly 4 minutes before our other flight is scheduled to take off. Luckily our gate is in the same concourse that we arrived. I walk at my normal pace (because my grandma is even then struggling to keep up) to the gate...door's closed. "Please let us on!!" I give my best pitiful face and they open the door. As I'm getting on the plane, I get yelled at for being unsafe by the pilot because my shoelace is untied.

Whew!! We made it. Then we proceed to sit for a half hour while they de-ice the plane...twice. The first formula they used wasn't strong enough. We taxi out and then stop and taxi back in. The engine de-icer valve is stuck. An hour later, it's fixed. Oh, but we have to de-ice the plane again because it's been too long since the first time we did it. Another half hour later, we take off for our 8 and a half hour flight. We watch 4 movies during it and an episode of the Office. That's a long flight!!

Finally we arrive in Maui and all of our luggage is there and everything. Also, that evening I discovered that my grandmother (who I was sharing a room with) snores like an elephant seal. Seriously, the loudest snore I have ever heard in my life. It woke me up in the middle of the night every night of our vacation and once it was so annoying that I ended up on the couch in my parents' room.
I'm Ba-ack

I hope you all enjoyed Danielle's random babbling. I have lots of fun stories from Hawaii for you, but I'm too tired right now (I left Hawaii at 3:30 pm yesterday and got in at 1:00 pm today). Did I mention that I sleep on my stomach and that is nearly impossible on a plane? Also, I can't sleep with things on my feet, but it was freezing down by my feet and that posed another problem. I actually just woke up from a nap about an hour ago and now I have to go to work because I was stupid and was like that meeting isn't till 7pm...I can totally do that. GRRR

Saturday, January 27, 2007

So long, farewell....

Well my friends my tenure as a guest blogger is coming to an end. Tomorrow morning my mom is going to the airport to pick up my dear friend jsto and her grandma. At least hopefully in the morning. My poor friend has the worst time with traveling. Even her flights to Maui got all kinds of messed up. But I'll let her tell you all about that when she gets back, that is if she wants to relive it all.

I know I promised you guys some fun drunk stories from my company formal and don't worry, I won't disappoint. First off, my boss and I decided to get a room at the convention center where our formal was being held mainly so we could get drunk off our ass and not have to worry about getting home. And can I say, it is very odd to stay at a hotel that is only 5 minutes away from your home. People kept asking where we were from and we had to say, We plan on getting drunk tonight and we don't want to drive home so we're shoveling out $70 for a room. Yes we are alcoholics, how did you know? Okay so maybe I'm exaggerating but not much.

Anyways at the formal I started drunk-chatting with one of our "Area Managers". He is new to the company (he started this summer) and so we don't know too much about him. We thought that he may be gay (He does after all work in a department notorious for having gay managers. We may think it is a prerequisite). So last night he brought a "friend". While chatting I mentioned how my boss (who is female) and I got a room together. But not to worry, we got two beds. And then for some reason, I told him that I like penises. He whispered to me, I do too! So I guess he is gay. Not sure if he wanted to come out or not but he did. His date was very nice and friendly and we were best friends by the end of the night.

Other than that, the rest of the night was the typical crazy drunk behavior: hugging and kissing random people, grabbing butts, sitting on my friend's boyfriend's lap, and dancing like a fool. Basically I had a blast until I got to the room (no idea how I managed that) and puked all over the bathroom. Oh well. Such is life.

Well as they say, all good things must come to an end and I think it is now time to say goodbye. I've had a blast this week and I hope you enjoyed my ramblings. This is Danielle, signing off.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

No twinkies please...

So after working at the same place for several years with the same people, you start to run out of things to talk about. My boss got a rather large snack-cake which somehow became the topic of conversation. This somehow led to twinkies. I mentioned that I had never had a twinkie before. My boss then insisted that I was lying, which I am not. After finally believing me he insisted that I try one. And honestly, I'm afraid to eat one. I don't know why but I just am. I never, ever want to eat one. He is threatening to buy me one and make me eat it and quite frankly the thought of eating one just makes me sick. I know, I'm weird.

P.S. Tomorrow night the company I work for is hosting a formal dinner complete with open bar. I completely intend on getting completely hammered and if you're lucky you'll get to hear all about it. Last year, I drunk danced (more like wobbled) with a gay guy (who was also drunk)during the final dance. We were the only ones who were dancing fast. I wonder why...

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

De Nile is not just a river...

Hello all, it's Danielle again with a fun little story for ya. It's a young man's coming of age story and his grandmother's complete denial of who he really is.

Dear sweet Chance (name has been changed to protect the innocent) usually spent his summers at his grandma's house, who is my neighbor. Since Chance was only 2 years younger than I, we used to spend our days together swimming in my pool, playing with Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head, and....playing Barbie. That's right, Chance LOVED playing Barbie and not in the stereotypical "rip their heads off/cut off all their hair" kind of way. The way most normal boys play Barbie. No, Chance loved styling his Barbies' hair and dressing them up. He loved Barbies so much that grandma, being the supportive lady that she is, bought Chance his very own Barbies (and Ken) and even made clothes for them. What a lucky guy! He used to yell at me and tell me that I wasn't dressing my Barbies properly and that the outfits I put together weren't "right".

Like I said above, we also played Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head. Like most kids, we put the hats on our own heads, the lips in our mouth, and stretched the glasses to fit on our big heads. He always was Mrs. Potato Head. Purse and all. I have pictures.

Chance went off to college and studied...Art. He is now an Art teacher at a local school. He chaperoned a school dance and got all decked out in a nice, fancy PURPLE suit. He's made real good friends with all of his female co-workers.

Recently he stopped over at his grandma's carrying a big purse-like black bag. All of a sudden, the bag began to bark. He reached in and pulled out a small, little black dog. One of those 'le femme' yappy dogs. He then procedes to tell grandma that this is the only grandchild he will give her.

Her response? I don't understand...Chance loves kids. Ah the pure, delusional mind of a grandmother.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

While the cats are away, the mice will play...

That's right my friends, while my dear pal jsto (which may I point out is a kinda dumb name) is on a lovely vay-kay in Hawaii she has decided, against her better judgement, to let me be a very special guest blogger. Lucky you! And for those of you who are scared that I somehow hacked into her blog, I'm totally legit. She gave me her password and everything. So anyways, I figure for my first blog I'll tell you a little bit about myself.

My name is Danielle, of Winnie the Pooh balloon fame. Miss jsto and I have been pals for awhile now, we played soccer together when we were around 7 or 8 years old. We hung out some in middle and high school, including some fun trips to the Outer Banks. However, we didn't really become friends until we went away to our respective colleges which were 3 states apart. Weird I know. We have a complex friendship wherein we try to piss each other off whenever possible. It's pretty fun!

I graduated from good old Penn State a few years ago and have been pretty much a bum ever since. I work a crappy job that barely pays the bills and I still live at home with my mom. How cool am I? I have a new car named Sally which I love to death, even if she is sucking away all of my money. I have a huge crush on a man 10 years older than I am and we are both too retarded to really do anything about it. We have gone out on a kinda sorta date but not too much has been happening lately. I love Bon Jovi, pineapple pizza, lemon based sodas and I have a sick obsession with John Corbett. And that's pretty much me in a nutshell. If you have any other fun questions about me or my friend jsto give me a holla and I'll give you all the juicy gossip. Til next time....


Saturday, January 20, 2007


I'm off to a week in sunny Maui. But first a 9 hour plane ride in the middle of the day with my grandma...grrr... See you when I get back!

Friday, January 19, 2007

Wardrobe Malfunction

Aubrey: (while looking at my Pooh balloon, which is still very much afloat, and trying to stall her flute lesson) "Winnie the Pooh is inappropriate for children"

Me: "Why?"

Aubrey: "His stomach is showing out from under his shirt and in real life he doesn't have any pants."

Ahhh...the future of America. Can't wait till they start censoring cartoons for not wearing any pants!
My Cousin's Career Advice

I think I already told you I've been teaching my 5th grade cousin flute while she finds a new teacher. (She made county band...very serious stuff). Anyway, last night she called to see if she could come tonight because I'm on vacation Monday and will miss her typical lesson. She had what she thought was a great idea for me.

"You should give flute lessons all the time. You can put a sign on your door 'flute lessons $20' and knock out where your washer and dryer is to put in a little store and sell pencils and erasers and music and stuff."

Guess this farce of a flute lesson I've been giving has convinced someone.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

My Fab Pedicure

Look at my pretty toes. It's La Paz-itively pink along with some other sparkly color on top. She even plucked the little hairs off of my big toe. My feet are now vacation ready!
Baby Shower Etiquette

Yesterday, I received an invitation to a baby shower for a girl that I honestly haven't seen since high school and really wasn't that close to in high school. Though a wonderful friend of my alerted her that I was back in the area (thanks danielle...jackass). The baby shower isn't until March 31 so I have some time to think about this. So two questions.

1) Do I go? This is probably most dependant on if Danielle goes, because if she goes then we can be miserable together and then make fun of the whole ordeal later.

2) If I don't go, do I still need to get her a gift or can I continue to ignore her like I have for the past 7 years?

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

A Waste of My Time?

Today I spent part of my time at work taking small paperclips off of travel reports and replacing them with big paperclips because my boss doesn't like small paperclips.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

I Love 24!

How cool was it when Jack Bauer bit that guy in the neck!!

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Check Out This Blog

Mimi Smartypants is one of my new favorite blogs. I used to read it while I was at work, but had to stop because it made me laugh out loud too much and when people would ask what I was laughing at it was usually inappropriate to share in a work environment.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Reader's Poll

You know how in those magazines like US they have polls on whether you like how Reese Witherspoon looked then or now. Here's my own.

Matt Carroll: Notre Dame guard and guy that got in trouble for eating in class

Matt Carroll: Charlotte Bobcats guard

(On an aside for Notre Dame people--actually probably mostly Farleyites too. What do you think the combined currently salary of Anna Morales' former boyfriends is? I mean she dated Matt Carroll and Julius Jones. Anyone else?)
It's a Christmas Miracle!!

Ok, so maybe it's a little late for that...It's a Martin Luther King Day Miracle! My vacation finally got ok'ed. Let's see. I turned it in on October 11th. I'm going away for five days on January 22nd and it gets approved on January 10th. Nothing wrong with that at all!

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

I Guess You Really Should Listen to Directions

I know candles always say don't burn the whole way to the bottom, but I never listened to it before. Yesterday, I was burning a candle and not really paying attention. All of the sudden I heard a loud cracking/glass shattering noise. The worst part was the candle wasn't out yet, and it was sitting up on my bureau so I couldn't blow down in it. I didn't want to pick it up to put it out because I knew it would be hot and also didn't want the glass to shatter more in my hand. Being the quick thinker that I am I poured some water down in the glass to extinguish the candle. Luckily, the bottom hadn't cracked at all so the water didn't ruin the finish on my furniture like I worried it would. Crazy isn't it?
Why I Love Danielle

Danielle: Sorry to interrupt your basketball game {she had wanted me to go to borders with her earlier, but I had told her I couldn't because I was watching ND b-ball on tv}, but I had to call and tell you.

Me: {not really listening} uh-huh

Danielle: I'm taking my wallpaper off and it's soooo cool. You know how when your skin peels you can pull it off? It's like that but in bigger pieces.

Me: And with out the grossness of it being your skin.

Danielle:'s totally cool!!

Monday, January 08, 2007

My First Flute Lesson

Today I taught my first flute lesson to my cousin Aubrey. After working through the fact that I don't have a music stand and I haven't played the flute in 7 years, the lesson went well. I'm not going to quit my day job though.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Blog Vacation

I'm going on vacation in a couple of weeks and I've been thinking of having a guest blogger(s) while I'm away. I've decided that this could either be really great or a complete disaster. Any thoughts??

Friday, January 05, 2007


Dear Bob,

In response to the recent comments you made in regards to Notre Dame and Charlie Weis, SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE (unless of course its to drink another diet coke that you used to have your managers tote around for you).

No, the loss to a overrated Oregan State team in the Fiesta Bowl did not get you fired. Being a consistently bad coach and an arrogant prick did. (Note: add perverted there as well...remember your play call signals? That should not be the hand signal for "hard" especially in mixed company.)

Yes, we lost this year to the currently #3, 4, and 5 teams in the country. But we didn't lose to Michigan State 5 years in a row or constantly barely edge out Navy and for that matter lose to Airforce. And I seem to recall a Boston College game where I was routing for a squirrel because he was the only thing from South Bend on the field that might have an opportunity to score a touchdown...not to mention he was probably a better field goal kicker than Samson.

Coach Weis also did not say that the Notre Dame mystique doesn't exist (as you did) nor is his every other word "appreciate". He also has much better time management skills (see the UCLA game this year versus whatever game that was when you were able to drive down to the 5 yard line and run out of time while our players stood around looking confused). He also has spiced up the playbook a little bit. Sorry, Bob, running anything but Julius Jones up the middle on first down does not count as a trick play. At least you have YSU's 2000 Penguin of the Year to put on your resume.

Hey, by the way, what's Lovecchio doing now...I think he just did some body work on my car the other day...that worked out well for ya didn't it?


Thursday, January 04, 2007

My New Bracelet

This is my new bracelet that I bought yesterday for $2 at A.C. Moore. I got one for my mom too (shh...don't tell). Unfortunately since the football team lost yesterday, I can never wear it again because its bad luck. Although, the basketball team won even without their pot smoking point guard, so I guess I can still wear it sometimes.

Monday, January 01, 2007

New Year's

This was a very traditional Pennsylvania New Year's for me. Every little town has its own "drop" on New Year's eve. Like how New York City drops the big lit ball. Danielle and I have been working our way from town to town to experience the different celebrations. So far we've done the Goat Drop in Fowlmouth and the Pickle Drop in Dillsburg. This year it was on to the Bologna drop in Lebanon. We had to overcome inclement weather and Danielle's bizarre fear of Lebanon, but we crossed it off our list. When I say bologna, it's not the Oscar Mayer bologna that most people think of. It's Lebanon bologna and unless you are from Pennsylvania, you probably have no idea what I'm talking about. The bologna that was actually being dropped was 7 feet long and was supported in a wooden cage that dangled from a fireman's ladder. (I had originally posted a picture of it, but then thought it was too dark and you couldn't see what it was anyway). There were lots of interesting people at the big event. I had a fried bologna sandwich but skipped the "free bologna samples" which was basically a bag of chunks of bologna with people sticking their grubby paws in and taking as many as they can. Disgusting!!

New Year's day, I was cooking at my apartment for my mom, dad and grandma. So after watching the Penn State game, everyone came over for the traditional Pennsylvania Dutch meal--pork and sauerkraut. It's good luck to have pork and sauerkraut for New Year's and I believe it. In 2001, we skipped the meal and I had a crappy year.

For my New Year's Resolution, I've decided to take a holistic approach and will do one good thing for each my mind, body and spirit every day.
Birthday, the Follow Up

So my birthday turned out to be great. Going in with low expectations really worked. Here's a picture of the giant singing Pooh balloon that was mentioned in previous comments. For those of you that don't know, I hate Winnie the Pooh. He's so fat and cheery and stupid. This balloon sings when you hit it. Pooh says something about hugs then sings a really gay version of Happy Birthday and finally ends with "Happy Birthday Friend" Thanks Danielle.

The cake surprise was a giant chocolate with peanut butter chip cookie and peanut butter icing from Chocolate World. Extremely yummy and specially made just for me!! (They don't normally do chocolate with peanut butter.)

Then my cousins invited me to go see Charlotte's Web with them. So I did. Stay posted for New Year's Bologna Drop highlights.