Greetings from Jail

I have to admit that this isn't the greatest letter from jail because it doesn't reference shanks or being thrown in the hole or prison tattoos, so I guess I'll try to make up for that with my own comments. Fingers crossed.

"Well gramma must of got them note cards for everyone since you all write me and mom (actually my mom and I just write you...your mom writes us when she wants money) cause nan got them too. (yes, my gramma got note cards for all the females for Christmas that had our names on them. Except Aubrey and Sierra who got blank ones and Sandi who got Sandy ones...oops) Thats pretty cool (no, it's really not) I wonder where gramma got them made? (uh...it's called a store...you go and buy things at it...it's like a commissary, but not in jail). I want to get some when I come home too! (I think you give up your right to personalized note cards when you're in jail. Plus we wouldn't know whether to put your real name or whatever your alias may be. What do you think her alias is? Hmmm...)"

"I hate to waste money (hahahaha...oh really? you hate to waste money? did you or did you not take all your Christmas presents one year and throw them into the snow in gramma's front yard? I guess that was just presents though and not money, right?) even if its $5 and I don't like to waste food either that's why I'm fat (that's not about not wanting to waste food...it's about not being on crack anymore...it's called hunger....though by all accounts she's currently about a size 6). I want to go to a spa after I get out of jail (I'm sorry...you were saying something about money earlier?) you can't take care of yourself in here right and somethings always sore! (I'm really not going to put the inappropriate comment that came into my mind when I read this because I'm ashamed). I just want to be pampered! (poor baby)."

"Why do they do a red rose in Lancaster? (Do=raise for New Year's) I can imagine how cold it was cause its always snowing up here. Does it snow a lot in NC? I've been craving Aunt Jans cookies (aka weed) so bad and some snickerdoodles (aka heroin). I miss cookies (aka drugs) so much....what kinda cookies (aka drugs) do you like to make (aka buy) and eat (aka do)? (I sometimes feel bad about turning all of her most innocent comments into drug references but then I remember that she tried to smoke weed in the bathroom at the magistrates office and think it's fitting.)"

"Oh...you know you can e-mail me right? (why no, I didn't) Just go to inmate e-mail link on the department of corrections.com...but i can't e-mail you back but that would still be cool sometimes to drop a line or two. (I went to this just to see what it is...and it's 60 cents to send an e-mail. RIP OFF!) Well I guess I'm gonna go. Love you."

I can't decide whether I'm going to be happy when she gets out though because no more letters from prison, but most likely real life debauchery instead.