Friday, March 26, 2010

The 10 Things I've Learned From Farmville

Yes, I'm one of those annoying people who do Farmville on Facebook. I can't stop though. It's like crack. Also, I realize that Farmville isn't supposed to be exactly logical, but I try to make it logical and there's things that bother me, for example

1) You dig in the ground and can find things like fuel. Isn't that some sort of bio hazard or something?
2) You can also find thing from digging around like salt and pepper shakers, a pruning saw, thimbles, etc. Did I build my farm on a landfill?
3) You can hatch an egg and get a cottage. Yes, I get that they are magic "golden" eggs, but I'm still not sure that this is how houses work.
4)Chocolate milk comes from brown cows and strawberry milk comes from pink cows and even though I have cows that for some reason have referee jerseys and whistles, they still only give white milk.
5) A turkey, a cow, and a baby elephant are all around the same size and all are bigger than a fruit stand.
6) Penguins can survive in the same climate that you can grow sunflowers in. And I'm still not sure how I harvest ice cubes from the penguin and get money from it.
7) You can put little bobby headbands with eggs or shamrocks on sheep and they don't really seem to care as long as it is around a holiday.
8) Raspberries grow REALLY fast in about two hours, but blueberries are a pain in the ass and take FOREVER....four days. I hope kids are taking home tomato plants from school and hoping to harvest tomatoes in 8 hours.
9) Maple trees, durian trees, lemon trees, gulmohar trees, almond trees, olive trees, starfruit trees and apple trees can all grow in the same climate....along with many other types of trees.
10) Speaking of trees, I can also harvest Christmas ornaments and Mardi Gras beads from trees as well. I'm waiting for my money tree to come around.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Well, I Don't Have An Internship, But...

I got a lot of pretty cool free stuff. I had an interview with AirTran in Atlanta last Thursday and am just now getting around to putting my free stuff away. They had given me a bag of stuff and said they had given me some, I can hardly contain my excitement. Little did I know...

YES, they are shaped like airplanes. How cool is that! I also got AirTran Legos and a key chain and some other not so cool stuff.

Probably the weirdest free stuff I got was when I went to Hanes and got to pick out a bunch of underwear. Then the woman was like "what size do you think Joy wears? Pick out some underwear for her." My friend Joy was interviewing there as well and had already gone on a tour, but had not gotten to get to rummage through the free underwear box. So I picked some out and the weird woman was like "Pick out some boxers for Armando. What size do you think he wears?" Now this was even weirder because Armando was another guy who was interviewing that day and does not even go to Wake. (PS I'm not sure if his name was actually Armando or not.) Joy now likes to say inappropriate things to me in class like "I'm wearing the panties you picked out for me." Nice. I'm also torn because I really like the underwear they gave me but am a little bitter since they didn't hire me. ::sigh::

Sunday, March 14, 2010

I May Actually Read This

I just got yesterday's mail out of the mailbox (because after going to the gym in the morning, I spent all day yesterday in flannel cheshire cat pajama pants.) In my mailbox was a "free gift."'s a "heartwarming inspirational romance" called "Jenna's Cowboy Hero." What exactly is an inspirational romance? I thought I'd check out the back cover to see if it gave any clue. I'll put my thoughts in parenthesis.

"Former football player Adam Mackenzie (could you find a more wholesome name?) arrives in small-town Oklahoma (or a more wholesome setting?) to fix up a camp for underprivileged kids. (of course, he is). But the city slicker doesn't know horse tack from a touchdown. (i think it would've been catchier had they said horse tack from a football tackle. Cause it's like a play on words). He's desperate for help (of course he is) and the pretty rancher next door is the answer to his prayers. (now by prayers are we just saying prayers or are we actually going to go into detail of prayers because this is an "inspirational romance") War vet Jenna is back home after a stint in Iraq (of course she is), and she's got a five-year plan: raising her twin boys, running her ranch and not falling in love (uh-oh, I think Adam may cause problems in her five year plan). But she can't say no to gorgeous and kind Adam (who could?). Can he make her forget all her plans and open her heart to love? (come on, I have to find out it Adam can make Jenna open her heart to love, don't I?)"

PS the picture on the cover has a grassy meadow with horses a farm and a church in the background. In the foreground is a man in a cowboy hat leading two what I'm assuming are twin boys on a horse.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Unlimited Tapas

For spring break I went to DC to visit former GSHPA coworker Kate (you may remember her as a guest blogger when I was on vacation one time. She posted some very apathetic letters of apology.)

It was a great couple of days, and I'll just pull out some of the highlights.

I arrived there Tuesday afternoon and Kate warned me almost as soon as I arrived that we were going to "Girl's Night" with her friends and that the girl in charge of the dinner that evening can't cook and usually doesn't make enough food. "We can stop on the way home for something to eat." But it turned out great, there were lots of funny topics of conversation: rubber pants, the musical stylings of Robert Pattinson, the ineptitude of the federal government, one of the friends singing in the bathroom, and several other things that I'm sure I've blocked from my memory. We gave one of the girls a ride to her apartment building and as we were pulling away police were suddenly swarming and blocking off streets. Apparently just after we left there was a shooting on the block. The real DC experience.

The next topic that I feel the need to discuss is Kate's dog, Rosie.

She looks innocent doesn't she? Rosie is a rat terrier/jack russell mix. When I was four or five, my dad brought home a rat terrier. We named her Teela (I really like He-Man and Teela was the girl on He-Man). Anyway, rat terriers are CRAZY. However, I already knew this, so I knew when Rosie would growl while holding her toy that she really just wanted to play tug of war or that when she ran laps around the living room at break neck speed that that was normal. Kate's other friends are scared of Rosie and because I wasn't (or just because I have a glowing golden aura) I became Rosie's new best friend. One day we came home from wherever and Kate let Rosie out of her pen in the kitchen. Rosie rand right past Kate and jumped on me.

Wednesday evening we took the Metro in for dinner. I got yelled at by some lady because I was apparently in her way. Then on the way home on the Metro Kate got told that her feet were "as pretty as your face." She had painted her toenails day glo pink, but upon further discussion we discovered the woman was actually talking about the way her toes were shaped. Bizarre.

So for dinner on Wednesday we went for $1 sushi at Epicurean and Company. Yes, $1 sushi. It does sound too good to be true, doesn't it? Then we followed that up with dessert and drinks at Kramer's (and possibly some crab nachos as well). So so good.

The next day we went for UNLIMITED TAPAS for lunch at La Tasca in Chinatown.

(You can see Kate's day glo nails in the picture). We originally were going to take the metro, but the lot at the metro station was full (Kate basically paid $4.50 to drive around the parking garage) so we just drove to Chinatown. I can not even put into words right now how good unlimited tapas was. My mouth is watering as I'm trying to describe the various dishes we had. There was some cheesy bread (which we didn't actually order, but they brought anyway), fried potatoes, paella, chicken croquettas, chorizo, shrimp and bacon wrapped scallops, and a tomato salad. It also included dessert. I got basically a vat of rice pudding.
We also had a berry champagne sangria (it's the Cava Sangria on the wine list) which was unbelievably good. It had all these blueberries in it, but they were on the bottom of the pitcher. So when I took the last glass of sangria, I left half of the berries there for Kate, but our waitress swooped down and took them.

Then we went to Potomac Mills shopping. I LOVE this mall. Next time I go though, I'm taking a tent to take a little nap in halfway through because we were exhausted. I bought lots of cute things (obviously), but more importantly is what I didn't buy that I'm now kinda regretting. At Nordstrom RACK (rack is in capitals because that's how it was on the sign and when I would say it I would yell RACK) I found this pair of neon green 4 1/4" heel Jimmy Choo's in my size that after discount would've been $70 (original price $539). However, I realized the total cost of ownership would've been much higher since I would've undoubtedly broken my ankle. I'm regretting not getting them, but I'm pretty sure I would've regretted getting them as well.

After much shopping, we were still not really hungry because of unlimited tapas, so on the way home we stopped at IceBerry, which is a PinkBerry knockoff. It was still yummy. I had honeydew frozen yogurt with mango, pineapple and coconut. While Kate was ordering I saw a brochure holder for Dahn yoga. I told Kate that I thought I had seen Dahn yoga on The Secret Lives of Women and was pretty sure that it was a cult. We looked it up. It is. So Kate's frozen yogurt place may also be recruiting for a cult.

Thursday I drove home. I finished listening to my book on CD, Water for Elephants, which is pretty good except the graphic scenes of circus freak sex kinda weirds me out and also there are some pretty sad parts and crying while driving on the highway isn't so good.

Sunday, March 07, 2010

Quotes from Yoga

Today in Yoga there were some very interesting things being said. I would like to share. There is profanity involved which I normally censor but am not today because I'd like to keep the integrity of the quotes in tact.

"I almost forgot to come to class because I was laying on my hammock naked." ( 1. Too much information 2. it's not really that warm out 3. Be glad I don't have a picture of this woman or you'd be mentally scarred like I am.)

"Well, isn't that just a mind fuck." (I don't really know what this was in regards of. They were looking at the woman's yoga mat at the time. Also, you have to imagine this being said with a heavy southern drawl. It makes it better.)

"Now if you kinda focus through your hand, you can see beams of energy shooting out your fingers. Isn't that cool?!?!" (somebody smoked somethin' before yoga today!)

"We're no longer allowed to say 'tuck your tailbone.' We now have to say 'tuck your anal area.' Because when we say 'tuck your tailbone' women tend to close off their vagina." (Tuck your anal area sounds SSOOO much better. Apparently a closed vagina is bad in yoga.)

Saturday, March 06, 2010

My Tragic Flaw

In all tragedies the hero has a tragic flaw that ultimately leads to his downfall. Luckily (or unluckily) I know what my tragic flaw is...snide and otherwise sarcastic remarks. I have this censor in my head that prevents all the really inappropriate comments that fly through it from reaching my mouth. I realize that at some point this censor is going to become broken down and retire/die/just refuse to do his job and that's going to be bad (but extremely humorous for everyone around me).

For example, today I had my Disney interview and the interviewer asked "Do you have any visible tattoos?" and within 2 milliseconds the following things flew through my head.

"Define 'visible'"
"Do prison tattoos count?"
"well, i have a Minnie Mouse on my neck."
"I prefer the term 'body art'"
"Yes, 32"

Luckily, the censor was on the job and filtered all those comments and turned them into "no". Censor in my head, thanks for all you do. That job must suck. You get shitty pay and have to deal with all my crap. I'm on spring break right now, so why don't you take a little vacation. (Wouldn't that be ridiculous if I spent a whole week saying all the crazy shit that comes into my head?)

Wednesday, March 03, 2010

Things that Annoy Me

For any of you that don't know, I really like to make cookies. I have a recipe book (that I actually have yet to use) called 1001 cookie recipes. However, the last two requests I've gotten for cookies to make are not in here. Really? There's 14 types of apricot cookies in there but no chocolate chocolate chip? Ugh. Thank God there's Internet.